That's Just Bad Part 5: A Man got KILLED!

This is the finale of my bad wrestling shows reviews and this time I’m looking at WWE’s Great American Bash 2004. Before I start I want to say that I didn’t plan on picking on WWE twice, I was going to review TNA’s Victory Road 2009 but I’ve only heard how bad it was and I didn’t watch it. So let’s look at some history of the Bash. The idea came from the mind of Dusty Rhodes in the NWA days the main concept being that it was a show that celebrated America’s birthday, a great idea in my view and you could even do it on the 4^th of July sometimes. The event became a big one for the NWA/WCW and would run until the company died, fast forward a few years and WWE would take the name and concept for their own since they owned it. However there was a running joke that WWE would never produce a good Bash and this is the show that started that off. This show took place on June 27^th 2004 in Norfolk, Virginia. We have Taz and Michael Cole on commentary, this was both when they were much better than they are today especially Taz who is actually somewhat bearable.

Opening video highlights JBL’s big push to the main event and his feud with Eddie Guerrero for the WWE title, it also shows Eddie’s sick blade job from the past PPV. The video also highlights the 4 way match for the US title and the feud between the Dudley boys and the Undertaker, yes that feud happened luckily Paul Heyman was there to carry it. The show officially opens with Torrie Wilson in a US outfit welcoming the fans to the shows, Torrie was on the poster for the first 2 Bashes.

John Cena (c) vs. Booker T vs. Rene Dupree vs. Rob Van Dam-Elimination match for the WWE US title: It’s weird to see John Cena getting nothing but cheers, sadly this rapping gimmick doesn’t stand up today. Rene is out with Fifi aka a dog, for anyone who hasn’t seen him lately I must tell you to google him please it’s quite the shock to see. Fist fights to start and we end up with Cena & RVD, 2 of the worst punchers ever. RVD & Booker head outside and RVD gets thrown into the steps. Booker is standing outside watching Rene & Cena work and taking out RVD when he gets up, smart so there isn’t too much going on at one time. Cena hits an atomic drop a little odd to see. Rene throws Cena out and Booker throws RVD in keeping it 1 on 1. Rene getting some good heat including a “USA” chant how dare you not be American? Rene hits a nice Hennig neck snap. RVD gets a split legged moonsault for a 2, Cena is back up and is staying outside he sold that falling out of the ring for ages, not going to say anything. Rene gets catapulted out and we get our 1^st “RVD” finger point, Cena picks up Rene and RVD hits a tope con heelo on the 2. Cena & RVD in the ring trading roll ups, Booker finally gets thrown in with Cena. One thing that sticks out is why WWE didn’t make this match with tags since the 4 are working it like it is. Rene gets thrown in now with Booker and hits a great powerslam. Rene does his dance and Taz does his “I’m a French guy” line which made me hate him. RVD hits the 5 star on Rene who was put down by Booker’s spinebuster, he proceeds to hit another on Booker but Cena rolls RVD up after to eliminate him. Why would you use a move that hurts you so much? Smart booking with 2 heels and 1 face as they begin to double team Cena. Booker breaks up a pin for whatever reason, they begin to fight and Cena fights back. Cena hits the throwback which always looked ugly. Cena hits the FU on Rene, Booker hits the scissors kick on Cena straight after this eliminates Rene and we’re left with 1 on 1. Smart leaving it with these 2 are they would feud throughout the summer in a best of 5 series that series would go on WAY too long. Cole is actually acknowledging the Bashes past WWE usually like to hide such things. Lots of rest holds now with Cena fight back and getting cut off into another hold. Cena finally fights back and Booker keeps cutting him off with kicks. Booker misses another scissors kick and Cena hits an awful looking FU to win. Lots happened here but they did it well with everyone being hidden, honestly no one here was a great worker. An alright opener in my book. Cena goes backstage and brushes off Charlie Haas but hits on Jackie Gayda, Kurt Angle shows up in a wheelchair to run Charlie down Kurt was GM now and he made the next match. For some reason we go to Sable in a hot tub and talks about her match with Torrie later, God helps us.

Charlie Haas w/Jackie vs. Luther Reigns w/Kurt: All divas have to wear American outfits it seems. These 2 are married now with kids good for them, no not Luther & Kurt. Oh look it’s a jacked guy in black spandex that’s original for WWE. Haas is trying to out wrestle Reigns. They seemed to mess up a spot early. Reigns starts using strike to get the offence with Haas using wrestling to come back, this is not pretty at all Reigns was not good. In a nice spot Reigns chokes Haas on the ropes in front of Angle. The 2 mess up an Irish whip spot and Haas somehow ends up outside. Jackie is clapping like a seal outside. Reigns hits a press slam and then attempts a single leg crab with his knee in but it’s not great. Haas gets some small hope spots but people didn’t care. Haas hits a T-bone suplex looked very nice, this begins his comeback. When Haas is on offence this isn’t bad. Haas misses a shoulder block and Reigns hits an inverted neckbreaker for the win. Not a good match for the bulk of it and was only ok when Haas was on offence. Luckily Reigns wouldn’t last too long and would do very little. Backstage we have JBL doing a promo, a very good promo and it had that main event feel to it.

Chavo Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio (c) for WWE Cruiserweight title: Talk about a match that has been beaten to death, I’ve seriously seen this way too many times. Charles Robinson is the ref here, getting quite the WCW feel for this match. Chavo was losing his long battle against his hair at this time. Starts very quick with lots of roll ups by Rey but Chavo comes out on top after the 2^nd lock up. Rey apparently won the title from Chavo Classic I completely forgot about that time for the title but it’s better than Hornswoggle I guess. Rey is working on the arm a lot this was started when he fought back from Chavo working on his arm. There’s a sign that says “Bring back Chavo Classic”. Chavo catches Rey on the top with a dropkick and Rey grabs his knee leading to a focus on the leg, anyone who has known Rey’s career knows he’s had horrible & endless knee problems. Rey kicks Chavo over the top when he attempts the rope knee jump move thing (I don’t know if it has a name) but Rey timed it horribly and Chavo jumped over on his own. Chavo gets a liontamer type single leg crab looks so much better than Reign’s attempt. Rey fights out into a wheelbarrow bulldog, which Cole calls a DDT and Taz corrects him. Rey goes down after being whipped I like that spots it sells the leg great. Chavo kicks Rey’s leg who does a flip to sell it and they do it again. Chavo gets a Stretch Muffler, a move that has become really big on the indies. Rey does a leap frog but buckles down after landing the minor details are great here. Chavo misses a shoulder block into the corner and rolls outside where he’s hit with a seated senton that gets a small “Holy S**t” chant, that wasn’t deserved. The 2 fight on the top rope and eventually jump into the ring and planting each other. Rey starts fighting back including a Russian leg sweep which I’m glad was a one off, he follows with another seated senton. Rey runs into the Gory special leading to the Gory Bomb for a 2. Rey hits an enzuigiri leading to a 619 but he’s caught after and put into a single leg crab. Fans are really into this match they have been for a while it’s been built great. Chavo attempts the Gory Bomb but Rey hits the Code Red for the surprise win. I thought this match was really good, I said they’ve worked this match to death but they could work together really well and on this night they did. Backstage we have Torrie, Funaki, Kidman & Spiker in a hot tub in a meaningless segment.

Kenzo Suzuki w/Hiroko vs. Billy Gunn: Kenzo comes in being carried on a chair platform, one of the guys is physically struggling here. This match was made when Hiroko threw powder in Gunn’s face on Smackdown. This was the point where people were thinking “Gunn still has a job” and I don’t think he would for too much longer. The 2 barely lock up don’t know how they messed that up. Gunn hits a Fisherman suplex rather early and then a swinging neckbreaker. Kenzo hits a throat thrust and just a facepalm takedown which looked awkward, he follows with the dreaded nerve hold which all Japanese wrestlers are taught when they get into WWE I believe. Gunn looks like he doesn’t want to work with Kenzo here fighting a lot of the spots he shouldn’t. Kenzo just looks weird here with everything he does, almost like he’s lost. I just remembered that Kenzo would win the WWE tag titles with Rene Dupree, what an odd team. Gunn fights back to zero reaction, he hits a poor stinger splash and misses the Fameasser. Kenzo “hits” a Shining Wizard and by that I mean he missed. Fans popped for Gunn’s tilt-a-whirl slam. Kenzo hits a low blow and Christian’s inverted DDT backbreaker for the win. Just a crappy, crappy match here to silence. Backstage we have Paul Heyman talking to a kidnapped Paul Bearer, Bearer could be KILLED tonight but we’ll get there. This may have been an insanely stupid program but Heyman was brilliant here and Bearer’s facials were great as well.

Sable vs. Torrie Wilson: Who’s ready for a clinic? Cole says that back in the day we had guys like Dean Malenko & Arn Anderson hooking up while these day we get this, to hype the match but it made me want to see those 2. Typical cat fight to start, Sable throws “forearms” at least her kicks are a bit better but not by much. Sable then disgraces the Hennig neck snap and the 2 mess up an Irish whip, a sunset flip spot and a drop toe hold. Fans boo when Sable pulls her tights out of her ass, to be fair it was a nice ass. Torrie tries to float over on a suplex, try being the key word. Torrie hits a horrible clothesline in the corner, the 2 then knock heads which I think was legit. The ref is stopping Torrie as Sable is acting like she’s out cold but Sable does a school girl, pulls the tights and Torrie’s shoulders were clearly up but that thankfully this ends this disgusting “match”. Backstage Undertaker is walking through a corridor as he sure as hell wasn’t going to talk. Dawn Marie is in a bikini and interviews Rene Dupree, this breaks down to him dancing and the FBI come in to hit on her as well and they talk about the legend of men having big feet having a big penis, that was needed.

Mordecai vs. Hardcore Holly: This was an awful gimmick and Mordecai’s 2^nd (Kevin Thorn) didn’t treat him much better. On a personal note I hate Holly so much, never been a fan of his and luckily the only break he would get would be as a result of him getting his neck broken. The 2 trade punches from the get go with Holly getting the advantage. I’m watching for Holly to take liberties here. They go outside and Holly is thrown into Mordecai’s crucifix staff that was meant to look harsh I’d imagine. Just back and forth strikes even an Irish whip resulted in a boot. The fans seem to be picking on someone who’s dressed like a pimp. I physically laughed when Holly attempted a neckbreaker but Mordecai fell forward and Holly sold it as well. Holly hits 2 clotheslines and a top rope clothesline for a 2.Mordecai hits a sit out spinebuster for a 2, his first actual wrestling move of the match if you ignore the numerous rest holds. Holly attempts the Alabama slam but Mordecai hits the Razor’s Edge for the win. Pretty bad match here, fans didn’t care and the 2 didn’t click also they both weren’t good when it came to their work.

Eddie Guerrero (c) vs. JBL-Texas Bull Rope match for WWE title: The promo video shows the sick chair shot and blade job Eddie did at the last PPV the later caused him to go into shock. WWE set up lights in the corners one colour for each person and they would light up as they went around, a nice idea in thought but they would mess up throughout. Fans loved Eddie here and how could you not he was always great. It’s amazing to think of how quickly JBL was pushed, they broke up the APA and boom he was in the main event. Eddie has the good version of the title not the ugly thing we have these days. The 2 get tangled in the rope very early 1 of the draw backs to a match like this.  JBL uses the bell on Eddie’s knee and the rope is already off of Eddie, JBL hits a boot and a poor rope snapmare. It’s only early but these 2 are struggling to work with this rope. JBL hits 2 corners but is stopped, the lights are still on. Eddie then gets 2 but is cut off with a weak rope clothesline, JBL follows with whipping him with the rope that doesn’t come off as well as if this was a strap match. Eddie gets choked while in the Tree of Woe a great looking spot. JBL tries for a powerbomb from announce table to announce table but Eddie escapes and trips him up. Eddie pulls JBL into the post several times by using the rope. They play of their last match by Eddie getting thrown over the announce table and then nailing JBL with a sick chair shot and he’s busted open, it was reversed in the last match. Another shot when they get in the ring, Eddie then gets 3 corners and is very close but JBL clings to the rope to stop it. Eddie gets 3 again by dragging JBL but it’s waved off again for no real reason I think. JBL gets a boot and DDT, they get tangled up again. JBL gets 2 but Eddie gets a low blow and 3 corners until he gets cut off. Eddie hits the 3 Amigos then a Frog splash, he’s then cut off at 3 again by JBL rolling outside. JBL gets a shot in with the cow bell and then throws Eddie off the ropes onto the Spanish announce table that doesn’t break, the table then breaks after a powerbomb by JBL. JBL is struggling to walk but gets 3, a nice way to sell the beating he’s taken. Another cow bell shot, all I can think about is the “I need more cow bell” skit from SNL years back. JBL gets 3 and very close to 4 but gets low blowed. We’re near the end as both are touching the same turnbuckle, JBL gets very close to the 4^th but Eddie whips him and jumps into JBL for the win. Or at least that’s what we think, Kurt comes out and points out that any part of the body counts and JBL hit the corner before Eddie did resulting in a new WWE champion. I think this was a great way for JBL to win the title but this match just struggled a lot, the rope wasn’t a believable weapon besides the bell and I’m just not a fan of these types of matches. They worked their asses off and the fans ate it up but it still wasn’t great. Eddie seems emotionally broken when the ref takes the belt off him you couldn’t help but feel for him.

Undertaker vs. Dudley Boys (Bubba & Devon)-Concrete Crypt match: The Dudley’s kidnapped Bearer and Heyman forced Taker to join his group, this lead to Taker destroying pretty much everyone regardless. Heyman then booked this match for some reason and threatened to kill Bearer with concrete if Taker didn’t “Do the right thing”. Beyond stupid and I don’t get why this was the main event, I also don’t get why Heyman would put Taker into this match when he was doing what he asked to do in the first place. Before we start some concrete gets poured in. Bubba demands Taker lays down, have to say on an unrelated note the Dudley’s were in pretty good shape but they would be released for their work soon after this. Taker lays down for them but he grabs Bubba by the throat, Heyman gets on the mic and this distracts him long enough for the Dudley’s to double team him. Taker fights back though and sends both to the outside, he sends Devon into the post. Taker goes for Old school Heyman yells “Bad dog” and puts more cement in. Bearer is fantastic in the crypt. Bubba crotches Taker on the post from behind to get the advantage. Tags are now happening, Taker hits his jumping DDT and a back drop, and this team who are the tag champs at this time are looking stupidly weak. Taker goes for Heyman but he’s jumped from behind, more concrete is added, Bubba actually puts the lever up and says they can handle Taker, this match would prove otherwise. Devon hits a jumping reverse elbow and then they hit a double suplex. Bubba uses part of the broken table as a weapon Cole sells it as heavy but it pretty much bounced off Taker. Taker fights back with punches and a back suplex from a sleeper. Taker hits his jumping clothesline on Devon and follows with his snake eyes combo. Bubba misses a body splash in the corner, Taker hits one on them both and then hits Old school on Bubba. Devon escapes a tombstone by hitting a low blow. An inverted 3D by the Dudleys this leads to Heyman coming down with the urn. Taker hits a chokeslam on Bubba and a tombstone on Devon for the win. I didn’t like this match and I didn’t get what the point was, it was all story. Heyman goes to the switch but lightening hits it because that’s believable. Bearer is asking to be saved but Taker says he has no other choice and he kills him! One of the many deaths of Paul Bearer, I’d like to know how they did it actually. The show then just closes with this death.

Overall: We had some good but this was mostly bad the divas match especially was just painful to watch. The main event was nothing but story, the WWE title match just didn’t work in my view and it wasn’t alone on this show. The Rey/Chavo match was a standout but it’s been done so many times that you’d probably skip it. This show wasn’t even entertaining in a bad wrestling sense it just wasn’t entertaining in my view.